Dear Mama Who’s Waiting for a Rainbow Baby,
Your arms ache to hold the little one(s) who’ve gone on.
Your eyes weep at the reminder on the calendar of a day that’s no longer due.
Your heart stings as you grieve the little life that was and is no more.
Maybe you already have a child whom you love and cherish. Whom you can hold. But your lap still feels wanting, part of you is missing.
I want you to know that I am you.
I feel the ache, I’ve wept the tears, my heart still stings. Every time I hold my daughter now I whisper a prayer of thankfulness that I get to hold her. Part of me is missing.
I also want you to know that we should never stop trusting. Trusting that this is God’s plan for our lives. Trusting that if any other lot were better, He would’ve given it to us. Trusting that even when all hope seems lost, it is not, for our hope is in Him.
While it is hard, difficult, at times, unbearable. We must trust the Lord.
I thought I was getting my rainbow baby earlier this year. Those two little lines on a pregnancy test showed up and I was overjoyed. Then, just as with my first miscarriage, something wasn’t “right” and I knew that I was losing my little rainbow baby too.
But, mamas, do not be deceived by the term “rainbow baby.”
You see, the world coined this term because “a rainbow always comes after a storm.” That is simply not true.
The truth is that sometimes there is not a rainbow after a storm in life. There is not always a happy ending. Sometimes there is just another storm. Sometimes you walk in dark depression for years. Sometimes you try to move on but it takes a while. Dare I say it, sometimes there is not ever a rainbow baby.
The truth is no better put than Jesus’ own words in John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have overcome the world.”
That is the truth, friends. That we will have trouble in this world, we will have pain, sorrow, and loss. But God has overcome the world. He has been faithful and He will keep being faithful no matter what we face. Even when there’s not a happy ending, when there’s just another storm, when we walk through times of depression, when we can’t move on, He’s faithful. And His faithfulness is not dependent on whether or not we get our rainbow baby.
It is really out of God’s graciousness that rainbow babies exist. He has never owed anyone another baby after a loss. God has already given us everything we need and more in Christ. He already provided a way for us to be forgiven of our sin and to come into communion with Him (read about the Gospel here). A rainbow baby doesn’t change any of that.
Which is why we can trust Him even when rainbows do not come and we should look to Him while we are trusting. The writer of Hebrews says that we should “draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
So, mamas, I want you to know that as you are waiting for that coveted rainbow baby, you need to draw near to the God of grace that is your God. Give Him all of your cares and worries, all of your longings for future baby(ies) and trust that He has your life perfectly in order, even if you do not receive the miraculous gift of a rainbow baby.
And, mamas, of course, I am hoping for a rainbow baby right alongside you. I long for the day that I could hold another little one in my arms, snuggle them close, and kiss their forehead. And if I do have one, I will celebrate, not because of God’s faithfulness, but because of God’s overabundant, immaculate love and grace toward me in blessing me with another baby when He certainly didn’t have to do so.
Signed, Waiting and Trusting Mama